


Captain Jack and his Occasional Mishaps

by DxTURA



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28243299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DxTURA/pseuds/DxTURA
Summary: Just another wacky day with Jack Sparrow!September Fiverr Commission
Collections: Urbinazation Works





	Captain Jack and his Occasional Mishaps

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, thanks for reading!!!  
> This fic was requested by a buyer on Fiverr. Should they no longer want it up on AO3, they can request me to remove it at any time!  
> I hope you enjoy!

When Jack Sparrow heard about a golden, wish-granting parrot on the loose near a local port town, each and every member aboard the Black Pearl had the urge to beat him over the head with the back of their pistols. Not only was it the _stupidest_ claim that a local street rat had given him, but the fact that their “beloved” captain believed every single word they said for a meager three silver made every single person on that boat very quickly rethink about the reasons they were still apart of his crew.

Literally a _nyone_ could claim they spotted something like that, since it was the easiest way to make money off the desperate seafarers that wanted to get rich or die trying. And as much as Jack had a feeling that he was probably being lied to, he also knew for a fact that there were a couple of other priorities that _kiiinda_ needed to be taken care of before he could continue his wacky adventures out to sea.

Not only did the Black Pearl need some heavy repairs, his crowd needed more food and resources. And the infamous captain knew they were all as good as dead if they sailed out unprepared for what was to potentially come.

So, Jack went for it. He listened to every single hint, rumor, and detail that he could muster out of the people that weren’t trying to shove him out before he caused trouble. He told a couple of his most nimble men to carry a couple of nets, some bullets, and _maybe_ a sword or two for protection. Maybe the parrot wasn’t a parrot; maybe it was a crow, or a vulture, or some other type of weird monstrosity that couldn’t be explained with their current vocabulary. Things like that _could_ happen! He’s seen his fair share of shenanigans before.

He _did_ end up coming across the parrot that fit the description and a sketch, and… it was a little easier than they expected even _with_ Jack’s chaotic mannerisms.

Despite the _better_ plan being to sneak up from behind it and hug it with the net, Jack Sparrow shot at it. With his gun. He fired a couple of rounds without even considering the idea of people wanting it dead or alive, and ended up ripping a couple of holes into nearby flags, laundry… just about everything _but_ the damned thing.

Once of his lackeys had captured the poor thing in their arms and promptly ran back to the ship without a second glance. The three of them cheered, they got the whole _ship_ to celebrate, and it seemed well enough. They all gabbed away about how much they could sell it for, debated on how to split the profits, and drank until their merry little dances made them collapse to the floor.

Jack felt empowered—he thought he was on a roll. Things were really looking up for him for his crew, and there was nothing anyone would say that would break their stride.

Or, so they thought. See, there was just one teeny-tiny issue that came out of their little quest.

The bird, as expected, wasn’t the bird that they were supposed to be looking for. Jack had captured a fraud.

And not just _any_ fraud, either; the “parrot” they snagged was actually just a seagull; the gold on its body turned out to be dye that chipped whenever it touched the seawater. There were no mysterious patterns, it wouldn’t talk… If anything, it tried to stay as far away from the crew as possible whenever they approached the tiny birdcage.

If that wasn’t enough of an inconvenience, every single time a crew member approached the dastardly thing it ended up screeching and slamming its beak against the cage in an attempt to bite their fingers off or something. There just _wasn’t_ a good scenario to any of this.

Rather than get mad and blame the Captain for everything, they all took a completely different approach to it: they decided to _bully_ him about it.

“Mornin’, Cap! Try not to mistake any sharks fer dolphins today,” teased one man, who promptly slapped him on the back.

“I hope you remembered how to read a map, because I don’t,” said another.

“Does he even know _how_ to read?” One of the younger members made the entire ship yowl from how innocently naive he sounded.

Yes, all of this went on for several days at a time. It got to the point where Jack got… a _little_ heated by the idea.

It wasn’t until one more person mocked him in the middle of the night that he shot his pistol into the air, and promptly yanked the birdcage from its stand.

“Alright, lads, that does it!” Everyone went silent at the Captain’s sudden fit, “Y’all think it’s funny, I get it. ‘Wow, the glorious Captain Jack can’t read.’ ‘Wow, I thought he was brighter than he looked!’ Your jokes are all fun and games until you realize that they’re staler than day old _bread_!”

He promptly unhinged the case and dropped it to the floor; the bird, as happy as it _probably_ should have been, squawked and haphazardly flapped its wings to get it back into the air.

“I was thinkin’ about keepin’ the thing so the likes of you would at least have _something_ to snack on while we go searchin’, but I guess that ain’t happenin anymore!” Jack rolled his eyes at the bird, “And _you_. Buzz off! You’re nothin’ but a nuisance. I should’ve sliced you up from the start!”

A “pissed off” seagull was an understatement.

The bird, not appreciating the shouting that Jack was doing, ascended into the air only to dive right back down and fervently peck the Captain’s face. It took his hat and threw it against the ship, knocked his gun out of his hand, and even tugged at his _beard_! The other pirates on the ship couldn’t stop laughing.

And though Jack grabbed his sword to try to slice the thing in half, he was no match for the sheer amount of force the bird was throwing against him. The bird was using every amount of power it had to steadily inch Jack towards the edge of the ship… and it was honestly working in its favor.

As the Captain was about to do one final swing at the bird, the seagull – who unleashed final scream – dove as hard as he could into his stomach and knocked the man right into the salty sea.

The crew got a kick out of it; Jack Sparrow was the type who occasionally believed that he was in the right, so the fact that he got his just deserts from a meager _bird_? Beautiful. Outstanding.

Jack spit out the water that ended up in his mouth and glared up at his crew, “real mature, friends!”

“Not as ‘mature’ as you getting bested by a putrid bird,” one of his men cried out, “Jack, do us a favor! Stay swimmin’ there for awhile; maybe you’ll come across some treasure with that wild mindset of yours!”

Jack did all that he could to drown out their laughter, but it wasn’t any use. This fiasco was going to go down in history, and he would _not_ hear about it for quite some time.

Well, that was fine. The bird had pecked him one last time in the forehead before it left, and the crew didn’t look as regretful as they did before. He would come up with another plan in due time, but for now?

For now, he hoped that they would be kind enough to pull him out of the water so they could stop at the next port town. He didn’t see that happening too soon, though.


End file.
